Monster

Why is it I feel so empty? Why does it feel I have nothing to give to you. Why must you take and take and not fill me up? Why do you laugh from your hiding place and not come to face me? Why censor myself in front of your all watching eyes? Why couldn't they see? I found myself through you, because of you, you made me. I am the monster you created, I am me.

Scholastic Dynamics

Going back to school was a big decision for me. It has changed my life, ways of thinking, and matured me a bit. I only wish I had done it sooner, I would be almost done and not just starting. There was new found respect for all those college goers.
I slacked a bit too much this weekend, but somehow came out with good grades. I don't feel I deserve these grades, but I am not going to turn them down. My style of art has been improving, but it will never be awesome if I don't focus. I talk the talk, it feels good to finally walk the walk.
Above is the drawing that I botched, it is on a large sheet of paper. That was the biggest mistake.

Drunk @ 3pm on a Friday

So, I am wasted at 3 pm in the afternoon. I rather be fucked up now than at 8pm saying, "Oh shit! I have to work in the morning!" There is nothing quite like being smashed and having to draw something for class. I think this is going to go over really well. I will post the final product on my myspace page. Not like anyone is going to look at it, but why the fuck not?!

I think people get fucked up to numb themselves from something that is fucking with them. I have always had a problem with being alone, but I am getting use to it more and more. I always said that even when around a crowd of muthafuckas, I was still alone. It was totally my choice to be alone, but damn! Did it have to come to this? It feels as if everyone left me. No one liked dealing with Kelly's persona, but they still didn't come around.

The people I want to be around, can't, don't want to, or find someone else "better" to be around. I thought going to school would do something fucking awesome for me, but all it did was add to the stress. Fuck it, I am going to go drink more beer. Self loathing is one thing, but wondering about something that you have an answer for is another.